"After the break, more Stereophonics!". Is there a sentence more likely to break the human spirit?
Frankly, so far 4Music's V Festival programming has been a load of wank at best. The right channel keeps cutting out when they go to live coverage, and because bands occasionally swear, they cover it over with crowd noise, which just sounds ridiculous.
It's hosted by wankers who use words like "fezzie" and "rizzle", and while Muse are, as I type, entertaining the masses, we've instead got a pointless piece with a couple of morons on a camp site showing us a bag to wee in. It's like a metaphor for the quality of their coverage.
Oh, it gets worse. The following has just scrolled across the screen. "Still to come... performances from Jamie T and the Pigeon Detectives".
Shit, and shit. What kind of name is the Pigeon Detectives for a band anyway? Tossers.
And why is it that festival crowds on television always look like a neon clad argument for mass sterilisation? I'm sure it's never that bad when I'm there in real life? Or maybe I just don't notice.
Update: Age has not withered the unremitting awfulness of "Stella" by Jamie T.
Update 2 : They're showing The Pogues. Shane MacGowan may possibly have visited a local hostelry. He appears somewhat refreshed, and news hasn't reached him about the legality of smoking in the workplace.